YES!

We are a go this cycle. I can not tell you how excited and happy I am. This will be my second IVF cycle and we started this whole process way back in December 06. I am very optimistic today. I am hoping the new meds make more eggies this time and that we get some good ones to put back. Strange to think I am excited about shooting myself with all kinds of drugs yet again.

Mommy Brain?

Well it seems like I missed my appointment for blood work at the clinic this morning. They actually called this afternoon to ask me to come in tomorrow. Think it is my subconscious making me forget? I am going in the morning to get poked by the vampires again.

In other happenings we went to the pool at my work today and had a blast. Terrell is turning into quite the little swimmer. Even with repeated sunscreen applications I still have a bit of skin that is burnt. Not all over but in a few spots. We are going back to swim again tomorrow. Guess I need to apply more sunscreen.

Update

Well this cycle is a no go. My E2 was 369 way to high to cycle. Once again they wanted to put me on birth control pills and once again I had to remind them of the whole almost died from the pill thing. So we decided it was in my best interest to wait another cycle. I am going to go in on Monday for more blood work because he wants to see if this was truly a CD2 or something else. Though what else it could be is beyond me. So vacation is a go!

CD2

I am waiting to hear back from the lab about this cycle. Hopefully the 3rd time is a charm. If they cancel me again I think I am going to cry. So think good thoughts for me and I will update when I know something.

No Go

It was a no go again this month. My estrogen level was 79 and they want it 75 or lower. So once again we wait another month. I thought I didn't care either way but when I heard it was a no go it hit me a bit hard. I ended up going to bed quite early last night feeling sorry for myself. I am much better today though. now it looks like next month might be a no go too because we will be away on vacation. I am going to have to get approved again for my IVF's at this rate.

Again

I am CD2 and went for bloodwork and ultrasound this morning. We will see if I get to cycle this month or not. I will update later/

Canceled

Well this cycle was canceled and I am not unhappy about it at all. I have 2 big cysts on my left ovary and the doctor wants me to go on birth control pills for a month. Told the nurse no way. I had a clot from the pill and it almost killed me I will not take them ever again. She said she would let the doctor know and get back to me. Why didn't the doctor remember about my blood clot? Does he just not care? I have to find a new clinic I can not cycle here anymore, this is proves my feeling about how I was being treated. STUPID FUCKING DOCTOR! Sorry I am better now.

Upset

My RE's office made me cry today. Damn them to hell for that. I am paying you for a service and I do not want to be treated like a second class citizen just because I am overweight. Fat people get pregnant everyday in this country. I called the clinic this morning to let them know it was CD1, the nurse in the monitoring center was very sweet to me. Asking about are we not doing the weight loss etc. I told her yes I was down 7 pounds and counting. She was great, ordered my meds for me and everything. Then this afternoon I get a called at work on my cell phone from Kathy, she started questioning me saying Dr. H wanted you to have your BMI below 35. I said no he said wait one cycle lose some weight. He never told me I had to loss all of it before the next cycle. Kathy kept saying it is an egg quality issue but that is bullshit, I had good egg quality. In fact one embryo was excellent quality. I just feel like I am being pushed aside because I am over weight. Why? Don't over weight people go through IVF? In fact IVF made me gain weight. I am to through with this clinic, I feel like I am just being pushed about. I will be talking to someone and letting them know how I feel tomorrow. I have also contacted another clinic for a second opinion and if this cycle does not work I will not be cycling with them again. I am holding out no hope this cycle because I do not believe these people are going to aggressively treat me. I have cried to many times at work today and they should not have the power to upset me this way. Sis thank you for letting me vent today and helping me figure out what I am going to say to these people tomorrow. I love you!

Anxious

Lately I have been feeling very anxious. I want AF to come again so we can cycle. It is amazing to me that I can not wait to shot myself with needles again. I got a notice from my insurance yesterday that Follistim is no longer covered. Looks like we will be using Gonal F instead. I just want to be in TTC mode again, I feel like I am in limbo right now.

I had a bad night last night at work. I ate 3 peanut butter cookies and they were good! Damn it was hard to resist. Sis I promise if I get the urge to eat cookies tonight I am calling you! Still scales says I lost another pound this morning but it does not count until Mondays weigh in.

PO*

Well I have offically been proven otherwise. This cycle was a bust so on to the next one. I have a consult with Dr. H on April 2nd and we will see where we go from there. Thank you all for your thoughts and prayers. I am still rooting you on.

Waiting

I am once again waiting. First it was waiting to meet the Re, then it was waiting for my cycle to start. Waiting for blood work, waiting for ultrasounds, waiting to trigger, waiting to do ER waiting to see if we had any embryos to transfer. Now I am in the home stretch of the biggest wait of all, the 2ww. In a few hours I will know whether or not I am pregnant. In my mind I already know the answer to the question but there is still that little bit of hope until the beta comes back. I POAS again this morning and it glared back at me with that one evil line. Pretty sure I know how this cycle is going to end but surprisingly I am handling it better than I thought I would. So what do you think will the nurse call me or my RE? I am voting for the nurse.

PUPO* aka 11dp2dt

I have not pee'd on anything in 2 days. My beta is in the morning and I am scared to death. I just know it is going to be a BFN. I am at work and seriously considering sending Lisa to Walgreen's for me. I feel the urge to POAS so bad right now. I just need to know so tomorrow I will not be so upset. UGHHHH The last day is the worst in the 2ww I swear.



*pregnant until proven otherwise( thanks to Serenity for my new favorite saying)

9dp2dt

I am convinced I am not pregnant. I am 9dp2dt and I POAS twice today. Both were negative. I am just so sure it did not work this time. The good news is I have no more HPT's so as long as I stay out of the store I will know nothing more until Thursday. I am just obsessing so much and spend hours googling everything I can think of. UGHHHH I hate the evil 2WW.

4dp2dt

So I think I have figured out how to stop obsessing about peeing on HPT's. They key is you must sleep all day. That is pretty much what I did today. I did not shower or get dressed I just dozed off and on all day. Thank god T is at an age where he is good about letting mommy rest. It helped that my BIL was home most of the day too. The hot flashes though are killing me. I can not believe how hot I get in my sleep. I told Tony that I am not buying any HPT's until Monday because if I don't have them I can not pee on them but we will see. I know it is way to early to get a positive but hey it gives me something to do. I can not even lie and say it is to see if the trigger shot is gone cause it is and I know it. I will be working the next 3 nights so that helps too. Co worker did an awesome job with the PIO shot last night. She only jabbed me with the needle twice. She got it right to the skin and got nervous. Once she did it she was fine though. Thank god cause for real I AM NOT GIVING THAT SHOT TO MYSELF! Have you seen the size of that needle? It is huge. Well that is it for me today, I just figured I should write something.

3dp2dt

For those who have no idea what my title means it says that I am 3 days post 2 day transfer. Has it really only been three days? This is going to be the longest 2 weeks of my life. I am already antsy. I guess it is a good thing I am working tonight. I need something to take my mind off of this. Two nights in a row now I have woken up in a pool of sweat. The first night DH thought I had wet the bed I was so sweaty. I know it is probably the estrace or the PIO shots doing it to me but boy it is annoying. I am already hot natured as it is, I don't really need something to make me sweat more. I am spotting a bit here and there not a lot and it is just pink. From what I understand this is totally normal. The trigger shot is completely out of my system now amazingly enough. So when I do finally POAS if it is positive I have a very good shot of it being right. I am going to try my best to hold out until Monday the 12th before I take a HPT but we will see. It should be interesting tonight at work, one of my coworkers is giving me my PIO shot in the butt. I tell ya fun times.

ET

So on Saturday morning we had our embryo transfer. It went way better than the egg retrieval. We transfered two embryos, a grade 1 and a grade 3. The other embryo had stopped growing. I came home and was on bed rest for two days. Let me tell you DH was strict about me laying down and resting. I was able to sneak on the computer for a few minutes yesterday but that was it. My beta blood pregnancy test is on the 15th. Now you know there is no way I am going to be able to wait until then. I already have some evil HPT's under the bathroom sink.

Terrell has been so good through all of this IVF stuff. He knows what we are doing and why. He talks to the embryos and tells them to stick around and turn into babies. He is anxiously watching my tummy waiting for it to get big. He holds my hand while Daddy gives me the PIO shots in the butt. He just really is enjoying being in on this from the beginning. He does know that just because the embryos are there now does not mean they will stick. He knows if this doesn't work we will try again.

As for the PIO shots, I think the fear of the shot was worse than the actual shot. I am amazed that it is not as painful as I expected. The only thing I do worry about is the longer I am on them the more they will hurt.

Sarah I hope your 12 embies are in great shape and all grade 1's!

Prayers Please

We are leaving in about a half hour for our embryo transfer. I will try to update after but if not my sister will do it for me. Can you all please also say prayers for my buddy Sarah over at For the Flavor. She is having her egg retrieval today, I am hoping she has a better time than I did. Good luck Sarah!

Fertilization Report

I got my fertilization report back. Out of 3 eggs all 3 fertilized. I am so way beyond happy. There are no words to describe it. I am waiting for a call later to tell me what time to come in and have the transfer. That is all I know right now but will update as I get more information.

Update

This is Val's Sister. She just phoned me to let me know what is going on and asked me to update you all. She had 3 eggs retrieved this morning. They had to give her a little extra anesthesia because, even semi-knocked out, she was in pain. There was also more blood than what is usual and she had to have 2 stitches in her cervix. She is home and sore, but oh so hopeful. The support you all have shown her has just made her day. Thank you all so much!

All Systems Go!

I just got the call egg retrival on Thursday morning! I am so freaking excited!!!!!!