So I said in an earlier post that I am working on making an effort within my marriage. Tony and I are both trying. One of the smallest things we have been doing is kissing. No not just that passing by give a little peck kinda kiss but a real live french kiss. For me it is about putting a bit more spark and closeness into our relationship. Not sure what he thinks about it as I haven't asked but the sex has been better! He has also made an effort this past week to not drink any hard liquor, it has made a major difference in his attitude and temperment. I told him I like him much better this way. I am not sure if he relizes that I am making small changes in an effort to effect a bigger change within our relationship but it seems to be working a bit at a time. I will keep you all posted.

dotted post

I have a bunch of random things to share so bullets are the post of the day.

• My sister and I are trying to find a way for me and the boys to visit but damn plane fare is not cheap.
• Terrell is doing well in school
• except for the fact that the last 2 days he has gotten in trouble for pushing other kids
• I took TV away last night but I am not sure why he is doing this
• Jayden is talking up a storm and is coming up with new words everyday
• the latest is see ya
• Tony and I are in a good place right now
• for that I am grateful
• he is drinking less
• I am trying to walk on my treadmill 3 or 4 times a week
• I am not always doing it though
• both boys need new sneakers
• need to find some money for that too
• There is a blood drive at the american legion hall tomorrow
• I am going to go and donate if I can
• I went to my first city council meeting on Monday
• better than any soap opera I have ever seen
• I had one of the worst migraines ever on Sunday
• I finally made an appointment with the neurologist
• of course they can't see me till April

I am pretty sure that is everything.

Better

Just a quick post to say that things are going well here. Really well in fact. We are all adjusting to me working days and it has seemed to help. He is not drinking as often or as much and that is nice. We get along better now too. Not to mention that we get to actually have sex once in a while. Yeah that is a benefit to working days and getting up at 4am. The kids seem happier and god knows I am happier.

ABC....

as easy as 123. Ok so I suck at titles, sue me. Things are ok in our house. Some-days are much better than others though for the obvious reasons. I have talked to my MIL and while I am grateful for the support I got from her I would have liked a little more in the way of we are going to do A B and C. I guess it could be worse though, his family could be in complete denial. The think I took away the most from our talk was that I should go back to school and get a better job so that I do not have to depend of her son to make a life for me and the boys. All well and good but in reality I am at home at night so that I can see my boys and know that they are ok. Not really sure how I am suppose to pay for school and a sitter so I can go get me an education. Oh yeah did I mention that I in no way want to go back to school and that I have a career in hotels? Yeah this is what I want to do with my life. Not glamorous but it is what makes me happy. So all in all I got no real help from them but we are going to sit down and talk to him when they come to visit in July.


If I last that long............

Mornings

I started the day shift today. So far so good. Getting up and getting everyone out the door was not so bad. I think it helped that everything was out and ready for me too. My SIL talked to her Dad this weekend too and let him and Mom know what is going on with Tony. Saturday was good but again yesterday he was drinking. He gets what I like to call grumpy when he drinks and I just hate it. The whole family is going to get in on a conference call or something and try to figure out what to do. If you are of the praying sort a little pray to the big guy would be great. I have a feeling it is going to be a rough few months ahead of us.

Solutions

I have spoken with the sitter and she is agreeable to watching the kids during the day. She would be able to take Tbone to school for me and then watch Jayden all day. This is such a weight lifted from my shoulders. I actually cried when she told me last night. She is willing to do it for $75.00 a week, which amounts to $15.00 a day. That is awesome but at the same time it is still a lot of money. Tony is looking into our finances to see if we can afford it, little does he know we will find a way even if I need to have no spending money at all. I am hoping we figure this out quickly because I am ready to be home with the boys at night. I want to thank you all for your support, it means a lot to me.

We had lunch today and really had a good talk. She is going to talk to her parents about what is going on. In the mean time I am going to try to figure out a way to go on days so I can be home with the kids at night. We will see what happens. Hope it works out.

Big things are happening

My SIL is here visiting. Surprisingly this has been a very nice trip. We are going to have lunch together tomorrow just us girls. We need too, we have a lot to talk about. I have come to the conclusion after a very long time that my husband is an alcoholic. I am pretty sure of it and I think my sister in law believes it as well. Be ready it seems this blog is about to be active again. I am looking into finding Al Anon meeting in my area and also seeing what I can find out about our insurance covering counseling for me and maybe him if I can ever convince him to do it. I need to find a way to deal with this while not also messing my kids up for life. Wish me luck.

Still angry

Hubby realized how upset I was after not talking to him and giving him short one word answers when I had to answer. He now claims he thought it was for this Thursday but I told him he is a liar. I said several times the 18th and he then asked what day that was. I am still very hurt by it all and slept on the couch last night. He is going to take me and I am going to make sure that he has to wait on me hand and foot after even if I am fine. He is still an asshole and a liar.

Anniversary

Our anniversary was very nice. I got Tony a PS3 and he got me a massage. We both got our presents on Friday, then on our real anniversary on Saturday we did laundry and hung out at home. We took the kids to the sitter in the afternoon and had a few hours alone together. It was really nice. We went to did at The Midwest grill. It is Brazilian BBQ and it was so good. The service was awesome and everyone was so nice. Only had one scare, the dessert I had was a white chocolate cup, I had no idea what was inside but it turns out it was strawberry. I am very allergic to them so it was a scary tense few minutes waiting to see if I was going to have a reaction. Thankful I did not actually eat one so it was all good. After dinner we picked up the kids and came home. I went to bed soon after because I had work on Sunday morning.

PS new post going up at other place.

10

10 years together. Some good, some not so good. Craziness, love, laughter, tears, kids. I would not have it any other way. I love you so much, Thank you for 10 memorable years. I can't wait to see what the next 10 years has in store for us. I knew the day I met you that you would be my husband and the father of my children. Thank god Susan introduced us! I love you.