So I said in an earlier post that I am working on making an effort within my marriage. Tony and I are both trying. One of the smallest things we have been doing is kissing. No not just that passing by give a little peck kinda kiss but a real live french kiss. For me it is about putting a bit more spark and closeness into our relationship. Not sure what he thinks about it as I haven't asked but the sex has been better! He has also made an effort this past week to not drink any hard liquor, it has made a major difference in his attitude and temperment. I told him I like him much better this way. I am not sure if he relizes that I am making small changes in an effort to effect a bigger change within our relationship but it seems to be working a bit at a time. I will keep you all posted.

Small update

Wow It feels like I have not blogged in forever. Just living life nothing exciting is going on around here. Well except for Tony's back window of his car shattering yesterday on his way home. Did I mention that my babies were in the backseat at the time? No one was hurt but Tony and Jayden were both shook up. Tbone on the other hand said it was no big deal.

We went to a birthday party this past Saturday at Bonkers. T had a blast except for when he lost me. I was very proud of him though. They made us move from the party area and I thought he saw where we were moving to. Turns out I was wrong, he could not find me and got scared BUT he did what Mom has always told him to do. He found a grownup who worked there and told her he had lost his Mom. As they were walking over to the main desk he saw me. He was mad but boy was Mom proud. See he really does listen to me sometimes.

Jayden is growing by leaps and bounds too. He can now climb onto a small chair. He is getting into a biting stage though and I do not know what to do. He bit me twice over the weekend. When you say NO loudly and with force he laughs. Ask my sister she has heard it. He is too little for the bite back thing to work and I have no ideas on what to try to stop the biting. BTW we are not breastfeeding, he bit my leg and my face.

Terrell will be 6 in 2 weeks and he is very excited to have a party. He keeps talking about tech decks too. Guess we are gonna have to buy some of those for him. He is doing great in school but we are having some minor problems at home with listening. I am sure it is just normal 6 year old boy crap.

I am doing good, Zoloft seems to be kicking in cause when DH tried to pick a fight this weekend I let it roll off my back. Work sucks right now though and I wish I didn't need to work. UGH oh well what can you do?

more and more bullets

Sorry for the lack of posting. It is not that I don't have stuff to say it is that I forget to blog. So forgive me but a bullet update is the only way to do this.

• Jayden stood up today unassisted for the first and second time.
  
• Each time it was only for about 10 seconds but I am over the moon with happiness.
• Tbone is getting all excited about his 6th birthday
• We are trying to figure out what to do for it
• My best friend is house hunting so I went to a few open houses last Sunday
• Seeing what some of these homes look like make me extra glad I found an awesome home right off the bat
• My sister has been off visiting my Dad and I miss talking to her
• They have no cell reception out in the boonies
• Tony and I have been existing but not really talking the last few days
• I think the house stuff is making him nervous
• I started taking my Zoloft again
• I took T to the park this past weekend and he was mad when it was time to go
• I told him in the car that I had fun with him, he said I did not have fun with you!
• He had a stern talking too from Daddy and later apologized for hurting my feelings.
• Damn ungrateful kids
• Took them both to the park the next day and Jayden wanted no part of it
• not the swing or the slide
• he would not crawl either, he did not like the feel of the rubber stuff on his hands
• I am hoping to get back to the park again this weekend

Still angry

Hubby realized how upset I was after not talking to him and giving him short one word answers when I had to answer. He now claims he thought it was for this Thursday but I told him he is a liar. I said several times the 18th and he then asked what day that was. I am still very hurt by it all and slept on the couch last night. He is going to take me and I am going to make sure that he has to wait on me hand and foot after even if I am fine. He is still an asshole and a liar.

Annoyed

I had my annual exam today with my Gyn doctor. We discussed me having an endometrial ablation. You see I have been having very heavy periods for years. When I say very heavy I mean it. I bring extra clothes with me and have to wear a tampon and a pad to stem the flow so to speak. I am looking forward to having this procedure done. Thing is someone has to go with me as I will be on pain pills and Valium before hand. Asked best friend if she can take me and she is not sure since it is not on her normal day off. Totally understand that, here is where I get annoyed, Asked DH you know my husband? Procedure is scheduled for a Thursday, he has days he must use by the end of the year, asked him to take the day off and take me and he said NO. This pisses me off to know end, said if it was a Monday or Friday he would do it since he would have a 3 day weekend. ASSHOLE, I am your wife having a minor surgical procedure could you step up and help me out? I am now left to figure out how I am going to get to and from the doctor that day and figure out who is getting Tbone from school. God help me I wonder sometimes why I am married.

I feel like I need to write but I have nothing to write about. Well that isn't true I have stuff but it is all jumbled in my mind. You know what that means right? Bullets!

• Jayden slept for 5 hours last night then for 3 more
• I feel like I got a good nights sleep. WHOOHOOOO
• Terrell has been extra mouthy lately
• Told me he hated me yesterday
• Tony has been awesome helping me with the kids
• Brakes on Tony's car went yesterday
• I am trapped at home with no car
• Susan will be taking T to school for me today
• Not sure how he is getting there tomorrow
• A very sweet friend has offered to do professional pictures of the family
• We are having them done on Saturday June 28
• She is not charging us for the photos only for what we want to buy
• I am so happy about this, the last family portrait we have is when Terrell was 3 months old.
• I am feeling a bit better the last few days.

Sinking

I have the blues, the just had a baby blues. I am on Zoloft and have been since his birth but I can tell they are starting to hit. Of course the not sleeping enough, having a needy 5 year old and a husband who works at 4am isn't helping. I kinda feel like I am slowly drowning. I am treading hard to keep my head above water. I think I need to up my dose of medication. I feel like I am being pulled in so many directions at once. Terrell needs me to do stuff with him, and I want to but every freaking time you put Jayden down he cries. I know it is ok for him to cry a little but he is only 3 weeks old and I feel like I need to not let him cry much. Tony is trying to help but he works all day, more than 40 hours a week and he needs down time too. Tell me again this will get better.