Proud Mommy

Today Terrell's school had a little holiday concert. Kindergarten sang 2 songs then 1st grade had 2 and 2nd grade did the final two. Terrell is in first grade and it was so cute to see him up there singing his little heart out. This morning he was so excited he was up before the alarm clock raring to go. His whole face just lit up when he saw me and Jayden and his godfather John sitting in the audience. I wish I could post a cute picture of him on the stage singing but the little girl in front of him had on reindeer antlers and they were blocking his face. Oh well I have the memory in my heart as well as on cell phone video.

Another Milestone

Yesterday Terrell lost his first tooth! I can not believe how big my son is getting. It seems like all these milestones are coming way to fast for me. I wish I could slow him down just a little bit. It was his bottom right tooth, the tooth fairy brought him $5. He was so proud and happy this morning when he woke up to find that money.

10

10 years together. Some good, some not so good. Craziness, love, laughter, tears, kids. I would not have it any other way. I love you so much, Thank you for 10 memorable years. I can't wait to see what the next 10 years has in store for us. I knew the day I met you that you would be my husband and the father of my children. Thank god Susan introduced us! I love you.

Ghosts

I grew up in a haunted house, go ahead laugh and scoff. I know and my sister knows it is the truth. I remember my real mom telling me once that she hated when Dad worked nights and would keep me and my sister downstairs with her while we all slept because you could hear people walking and moving furniture upstairs. After Dad and she divorced and he remarried I would be left home to babysit, I remember hearing footsteps on the stairs but no one was there. Plus you would just have feelings that someone was around you. The basement was the only part of the house that scared the crap out of me though. Did it scare you to sis? Our washer and dryer was down there, guess who did the laundry? Yup me, I remember I would go down there and sing Jesus loves me to keep myself calm. I just know in my heart there was something bad down there. Keep in mind we lived in an old old house. The woman who owned it before us was born and died in that house. Well one day we were playing around and stuff and I remember my baby sis went down to the basement. She came up the stairs like the devil was on her tail. She said something was after her. All she could see were red eyes coming at her. I have never forgotten that. I am 100% positive that the lady that lived there protected her from whatever was after her. Years later Zephra told me her and baby sis played with an Ouji board and the old lady said she was protecting us. I sure wish she could have protected us from the abuse but at least she kept the bad ghosts away. I wonder if the people who live there now know the house is haunted?

Based on a true story

There was once this young girl named Roberta. She grew up for the first 5 or 6 years of her life in a happy home. Then one day here mother walked out on her and her little sister. There were neighbors and other strange ladies watching the girls so that Dad could continue to work and pay the bills. Not long after the Dad met someone and she moved in, next thing you know she is pregnant and a wedding was planned. This woman had 2 sons from another marriage, the Dad had the 2 girls plus a son and daughter from the first marriage. A really big family. Roberta can not remember when the beating and mind games first started, it seems almost like it was always happening. The parents both drank to much and the kids took the brunt of the mean drunkenness.
Roberta hated being home, she loved school only because it got here away from the craziness. she used to be scared all the time to go home because you never knew what mood the step mom would be in. Sometimes she would hide behind the door and start hitting you with a switch as soon as you walked in the door. Other times she would be a sweet as pie. It almost seemed like she hated Roberta for remembering her real mom. Roberta took alot of beatings for imaginary offenses. Roberta started running away from home but each time the police would find her and bring her back home. No one ever asked why she kept running away. It was self preservation, she truely believe if she stayed in the home she would die. One night the step mom was so angry with her for something that she chased her out of the house with a hammer, hitting her once or twice is the right hip area. To this day Roberta still has some pain in that hip. Another time she was pinned down on the bed in the small bedroom with the step mom on top of her trying to load a shotgun. Step mom was really drunk and her oldest son's girlfriend at the time happened across this scene and got the step mom off of her. Over and over she ran away, she started hanging out with gang members just to have a place to sleep. One time her parents put her in a hospital because they said she was out of control. While there they found her mom. Big deal, nothing really changed. Roberta was so used to being called a slut and a whore she finally decided to go ahead and have sex. She became a ward of the state because the parents could not handle her. More like she would not stick around for there bullshit. Roberta did a lot of things she is not proud of now including some drugs which she never really like and being a prostitute. She did that for many years and it cost her alot. She also got pregnant at 14 and had a baby at 15. She did not keep him and she still yearns for the day she can see him again. Roberta was sexually abuse by the cousin of her step mom, no one ever believed her. She was called a liar and a slut. She was accused of sleeping with one of the neighbors and several boys in the neighborhood. Roberta got more involved with prostitution and pimps. She travel all over the states selling her body to make money for someone else. She truly believe the only way to be loved was to sell her body and accept the beating that came occasionally. She had more than one close call and should probably be dead right now. It is almost like there is an angel watching over her. It took a long time but she finally got her life together and got away from the pimps. She still worked as a call girl but finally was able to leave that alone too. Eventually she met a guy and it got serious fast. She had never told anyone about her former work but she told him. He told her it did not matter and was in the past. They married later that year and a few years later had a son. Roberta is trying very hard to be a better parent than she ever had but it is hard not to fall back on spankings and yelling. It is something that she works at everyday.
I have bared my soul on my blog today. This is something I have wanted to write about for a long time but was scared if the internet judging me. I figure who could possible judge me more harshly than I judge myself? I am the Roberta character and this is my story.

Memories

• I remember when I was growing up we did not have central air. We had fans in our rooms, but on the really hot sticky nights we would camp out in our parent's room. Of course they had AC. Do you remember that sis?
• I had a grey poodle named gigi, she was hit by a car
• One of our cats had kittens in my step moms closet.
• We used to have huge backyard BBQ's and pig roasts all the time. Our house was the party house.
• Our backyard featured a patio, goldfish pond and a good size garden, plus we still had tons of grass.
• We used to play outside all day long until it got dark out.
• I lived with alot of abuse both physical and mental.
• Both my parents were big drinkers.
• My stepmom has stopped drinking and from what my sister tells me she is a changed person.
• We used to put on shows to my stepmom's Barry Manilow album. LOL!!