Thursday, July 19, 2007

Based on a true story

There was once this young girl named Roberta. She grew up for the first 5 or 6 years of her life in a happy home. Then one day here mother walked out on her and her little sister. There were neighbors and other strange ladies watching the girls so that Dad could continue to work and pay the bills. Not long after the Dad met someone and she moved in, next thing you know she is pregnant and a wedding was planned. This woman had 2 sons from another marriage, the Dad had the 2 girls plus a son and daughter from the first marriage. A really big family. Roberta can not remember when the beating and mind games first started, it seems almost like it was always happening. The parents both drank to much and the kids took the brunt of the mean drunkenness.
Roberta hated being home, she loved school only because it got here away from the craziness. she used to be scared all the time to go home because you never knew what mood the step mom would be in. Sometimes she would hide behind the door and start hitting you with a switch as soon as you walked in the door. Other times she would be a sweet as pie. It almost seemed like she hated Roberta for remembering her real mom. Roberta took alot of beatings for imaginary offenses. Roberta started running away from home but each time the police would find her and bring her back home. No one ever asked why she kept running away. It was self preservation, she truely believe if she stayed in the home she would die. One night the step mom was so angry with her for something that she chased her out of the house with a hammer, hitting her once or twice is the right hip area. To this day Roberta still has some pain in that hip. Another time she was pinned down on the bed in the small bedroom with the step mom on top of her trying to load a shotgun. Step mom was really drunk and her oldest son's girlfriend at the time happened across this scene and got the step mom off of her. Over and over she ran away, she started hanging out with gang members just to have a place to sleep. One time her parents put her in a hospital because they said she was out of control. While there they found her mom. Big deal, nothing really changed. Roberta was so used to being called a slut and a whore she finally decided to go ahead and have sex. She became a ward of the state because the parents could not handle her. More like she would not stick around for there bullshit. Roberta did a lot of things she is not proud of now including some drugs which she never really like and being a prostitute. She did that for many years and it cost her alot. She also got pregnant at 14 and had a baby at 15. She did not keep him and she still yearns for the day she can see him again. Roberta was sexually abuse by the cousin of her step mom, no one ever believed her. She was called a liar and a slut. She was accused of sleeping with one of the neighbors and several boys in the neighborhood. Roberta got more involved with prostitution and pimps. She travel all over the states selling her body to make money for someone else. She truly believe the only way to be loved was to sell her body and accept the beating that came occasionally. She had more than one close call and should probably be dead right now. It is almost like there is an angel watching over her. It took a long time but she finally got her life together and got away from the pimps. She still worked as a call girl but finally was able to leave that alone too. Eventually she met a guy and it got serious fast. She had never told anyone about her former work but she told him. He told her it did not matter and was in the past. They married later that year and a few years later had a son. Roberta is trying very hard to be a better parent than she ever had but it is hard not to fall back on spankings and yelling. It is something that she works at everyday.
I have bared my soul on my blog today. This is something I have wanted to write about for a long time but was scared if the internet judging me. I figure who could possible judge me more harshly than I judge myself? I am the Roberta character and this is my story.

7 comments:

Sarah said...

you're so right that you'll be your own most critical (and sometimes most important) judge. it's wonderful when we find support in our blog friends, but you can't put too much weight on what the internet says about you. and you can't find the answers there either.

i'm sorry for all the nightmares you've had to deal with. i suspect your an excellent mom in spite of it.

baggage said...

Thanks for being so brave to tell your story. I bet you help more people than you'll ever realize.

Leigh in Atlanta said...

Well damn, this was a hell of a thing to read on my first visit here. I admire you for posting this though. This took a lot of guts to tell and a lot of sef discovery to realize in the first place. I don't really know you but I'm proud of you for saying something about this because this isa really hard story to tell.

Here from Michele's

THE FLY said...

I LOVE YOU!!

gautami tripathy said...

I am so glad I stumbled upon here......

I am so glad I know you now...

Mrs. Schmitty said...

You are very brave to put that out there. I have my own demons and you have inspired me. From your posts I know you are a good mom to T. You are aware and you are breaking the cycle.

Zephra said...

I read that a few times and relived a lot of it. Roberta's sister Stacy remembers. It was a hard time growing up but we have each other now.