Broken

Grandpa Al passed away today. My heart is broken. He was a surrogate father to my DH and a all around great guy. He was the first person to ever sing a song to Terrell. I can't believe he is gone and we did not even get to say goodbye.You will be missed Al. We love you

My husband has lost his damn mind! He told me to shut up not once but twice yesterday. Both times in front of our children and once in front of company. I immediately told everyone they had to leave. No surprise to me that he was drunk. I wish this would end. My sons are going to think it is ok to talk to people that way. I need to start saving money. Sis ready to open a bank account for me????

The Talk

The husband and I finally had a very long hard talk yesterday after T went to school. I called him and basically said you need to tell me what the hell is going on in your life because I can not take it anymore. I once again explained how he is hurting me and how I will not put up with it. I reminded him the kind of home I grew up in and that I would not allow my boys to grow up like that. I cried, he cried, I yelled, he listened, we talked. I mean really talked. He agrees that he has a problem, he does not think he is an alcoholic but you know what fine you don't have to think it just get help. He has agreed that he has been drinking way to much lately. I told him I know when you are drinking even when I am at work. After 10 years I can tell. He pretty much admitted every since we got the positive back on the pregnancy test he has been slowly freaking out. Even though this baby was very much planned for it put him into a tailspin. You were right Sis something else was going on. He told me how scared he is about having 2 kids and whether or not he is going to be able to care for them etc. I talked to him about how I need his support and how I feel like I am in the pregnancy all alone. I talked about how he has hurt me and how it has made my love for him lessen. He cried then, he said he loves me and his kids with all his heart and that he knew he was hurting me but did not know how to stop. He now knows I mean business, I told him in no uncertain terms I will not live with an alcoholic and if he chooses drinking over his family than so be it. My husband knows I will leave because I did once before in the beginning of our marriage. Yes it would be hard but I would do anything in my power to save my children from a life like I had growing up. Hey sis you were right about the incident at the park too, he totally did that to set me off, he admitted it. Jane asked if he knew about this blog, the answer is no he has no idea and I plan to keep it that way. We are going to find someone to talk to and we are going to work on our marriage. I would hate to throw 10 years out the window without a fight so I will fight for this marriage but with that being said I am still making back up plans to leave if I need too. Thank you all for your kind words and advice it means alot to me that people care.

A bad place

That is where I am right now. My marriage is falling apart. Those are not pregnancy hormones talking either. Trust me being 8½ months pregnant is the only thing keeping me in this house. My husband is a alcoholic. He is never physically abusive to me but he hurts me just the same. He is very much a mental and emotional abuser. I know I need to go but right now I have to figure out a way to do that with a 5 year old and a soon to be newborn. I could just hop on a plane to Texas and be with my sister but I know he would fight me tooth and nail to get his kids. I am very seriously thinking of calling his father and mother and just letting it all out. I need them to understand that I tried. I really did but I can't do this anymore. I am just tired. I almost bought tickets to Dallas yesterday but I know I need to be here so the doctor can monitor the end of my pregnancy. I would be to scared going to a new state with doctors I don't know and who don't know my history. How did this happen to me? He was suppose to love me not hate me. How did my life turn into such a mess?