Tuesday, April 22, 2008

A bad place

That is where I am right now. My marriage is falling apart. Those are not pregnancy hormones talking either. Trust me being 8½ months pregnant is the only thing keeping me in this house. My husband is a alcoholic. He is never physically abusive to me but he hurts me just the same. He is very much a mental and emotional abuser. I know I need to go but right now I have to figure out a way to do that with a 5 year old and a soon to be newborn. I could just hop on a plane to Texas and be with my sister but I know he would fight me tooth and nail to get his kids. I am very seriously thinking of calling his father and mother and just letting it all out. I need them to understand that I tried. I really did but I can't do this anymore. I am just tired. I almost bought tickets to Dallas yesterday but I know I need to be here so the doctor can monitor the end of my pregnancy. I would be to scared going to a new state with doctors I don't know and who don't know my history. How did this happen to me? He was suppose to love me not hate me. How did my life turn into such a mess?


Keri said...

It breaks my heart to read this post. I've never been married and don't know all the things that can go wrong, but I do know that his abusing you is something that he should not even think about! You are carrying his child! Despite him, you should take care of your self and your children. Live for you and God, and your kids. You are your own and he can only hurt you if you let him.
Be strong chick!!
I'll be praying for you and you baby and your little boy and for your husband that he would come to his senses.
God bless!

Zephra said...

My heart aches for you...

Jenn said...

Oh my, I'm so sorry to hear this. I can also relate some, one day, I'll post my sordid story. No matter what happens, I believe that you are a strong woman and will be OK. Sending good thoughts your way.

Julia said...

I'm sorry to read this. stay strong and start to document everything. make a plan to get out and work toward that goal every day. it is not good for your son to see how you are treated - you will find the help you need.

Lainey-Paney said...

I'm so sorry.

Anonymous said...

If I were you, I'd high-tail it over to some AA meetings (or the spouses meetings) for support. There's nothing going on with you that they haven't heard before. And, they'll be factual and impartial. For the sake of your children, GET HELP NOW or you will be perpetuating the cycle. If your children see this is how spouses act towards each other as adults, they will never expect anything more of their own lives. Show your children that it can be better! Before your baby comes, RUN, DO NOT WALK TO AN AA meeting!!! You are in my prayers!

Janes Insane said...

My heart goes out to you. There should be some sort of women's counseling in your area, you may want to call them & get some legal info, such as what you need to document to help you get full custody of the kids.
Is he going to fight you because he loves his kids, or because he wants to get even with you? If it is the latter, he may be blowing hot air. If he is trying to intimidate you, don't let him!

I know I sound like a mother & I apologize. I went thru the same type of abuse in my 20s & imo it's much more difficult than physical abuse because it's invisible. He's not just doing this to you, but to your 5 year old too. What I'm trying to say is do not discount the abuse. You probably won't realize the magnitude of the mental abuse until you've been away from him for years.

How did this happen? I am not defending him, but he does have a disease. He's going to lose his family because he won't get help & I believe as a mother, it's your duty to protect your children. The 3 of you don't need to live in hell because of his choices.

1 scenario you may be able to get away with is: Go to your sisters after the baby is born, for a "visit". Don't take everything, but things that are on the top of your priority list. And then, just keep extending your visit. I would think because your belongings would be with him he couldn't say you left him, and you 2 would not be legally separated, so why would a married father want to get visitation? I hope I explained this well.

Bottom line is: there are TONS of resources for women now. Empower yourself, it is a MUST. If you cannot find the strength to do it for yourself, do it for your children. You don't want your son to grow up & be like his dad, right? Whatever you decide, try your hardest to maintain a healthy home for your kids.

I wrote too much again. Zephra always makes me do that!

Janes Insane said...

oh, ps... If he knows about this blog I'd move it.