Bullets Again!

I have all kinds of stuff on my mind so I figured a bullet post was due.

• Terrell turns 6 in 72 days!
• Jayden turns 1 in 110 days.
• I turn 39 in umm just forget that!
• Seriously we are gonna buy a house.
• I am scared shitless.
• Found out we might be eligible for down payment and closing cost assistance depending on what city we buy in.
• Sitting on a hard wood chair for 5 hours is not good for a bad back.
• Buying a house is really freaking complicated.
• The whole octuplet mom thing pisses me off
• Her doctor and or clinic was irresponsible
• it gives a bad look to all who use ART
• My doctor freaked about putting 3 back
• I am addicted to House
• I love Hugh Laurie
• I am still not sure what to do about my Dad.
• I did call and will most likely call again tomorrow
• I just don't want to have him die and then wish I had called him more often
• At least it will be snowing here again tomorrow so we will have something to talk about
  

Dad

My Dad is going to die. Not today or tomorrow or even a month from now but it is going to happen. Most likely sometime this year. I am having a hard time processing that. My step mother was pulled aside by their Doctor yesterday and told to prepare herself. My sister called me and told me, I was in Stop and Shop at the time and to be honest I almost started to cry right there. I had to get off the phone immediately. The thing is I know his time is short and yet it has been weeks since I called him. Weeks people. Something is holding me back, it is like I don't feel a connection to him. When we do talk we have nothing to say. I mean how much can you talk about the weather? We never talk about anything important, if I was to ask about my Mom or talk about how bad my childhood was he would just close up. He is going to be gone and no one will have the answers I or my sister need to have. I just don't know why I can't pick up the phone and call, is it that I really have not forgiven him for the past? Is it the fact that we were estranged for so long that I don't really feel like I have a parent? How sad is that? I have no parents that really care about me. I mean I know my Dad loves me but sometimes I wonder if he cares or even knows how to care? Tell me why am I having such a hard time making myself pick up that phone?

Dad

My Dad is not good. He has several blockages in his heart. I am upset, my sister is upset. We are both scared and praying for the best. You can read more about it here. I am having a bit of a hard time dealing with it. Please keep our Dad in your prayers.