Thursday, June 14, 2007


I know for me dealing with secondary infertility has been hard. I can only imagine how hard primary infertility is for others. I have been pretty open with everyone in my life about our struggle to give T a sibling. Everyone except my mother in law. When we were trying to get pregnant with Terrell my FIL and SIL both knew but we kept the news from Tony's mom. We have kept the news of our IVF attempt from her too. My in laws are coming to visit in August. What if we need to cycle while they are here? What if Tony is shooting me in the ass with progesterone? I really feel it is my husbands place to tell his mom what is going on but if she asks me I will not lie. When we got pregnant with T I told her and her reaction was well if that is what you want. She has also said several times that we don't need anymore kids. With that said why do people feel the need to tell me if I just relax I will get pregnant. It is the same person over and over again. Apparently she can not grasp that my tubes are blocked and ain't no sperm getting in there. I calmly explain to her over and over that I will never get pregnant without the help of a doctor and lab but I think it just doesn't sink in.

When I got pregnant with Terrell I felt so blessed. I really felt like god was giving me a second chance to be a mom. You see I had a baby when I was 15. It was a little boy I named Brian. He is now 21 years old. Terrell was only my 3rd pregnancy in my life. The second one was a miscarriage. To me it just seems like a really long time with no scares about being pregnant. I wonder sometimes if this is it for me. I wonder if we will ever have another child and I wonder if Tony would really deep down in his heart ever regret not having more kids. I want another baby but at the same time if I did not have another one I think I would be ok. I know it would take time to come to grip with that reality though. How do you know when you are truly done trying?


Delenn said...

Part of the reason why I have been glad to find your blog is exactly the feelings you voiced on this post. Secondary infertility is hard in so many ways, not least of which because often times one can see other Infertiles struggle to have something that you have but want more of. You feel lucky, you feel like, why do I need to have more, when some can not have any? Yet, you feel the pain that most feel dealing with this.

We had Michael easily (we decided to try and within a month--pregnant). Then, for four years we tried to have another one--thinking naively that "Hey, we had one, no prob!" and now we are doing the IVF dance.

As I gear up for the next cycle, every so often I wonder if, considering our son is 8, we are going to be able to deal with an infant again. Sometimes I wonder if this is just the way it is supposed to be--us three. And boy, I really don't care for some of the fun in store during the pregnancy and 1st few months, not to mention the added expense in our lives. Sometimes, I wonder if we should just leave it at that, and spoil our son rotten...

But, at the moment, I have to believe if I don't try, I will regret it. If we don't now, we may wish we had 2-3, 4 years from now, and it will be too late. Its hard to know when enough is enough, but at the moment, both my husband and I are going to try.

I have not specifically talked to my MIL about this--we are not that close--but my husband actually has. She seems supportive--but we shall see. We are going on vacation tomorrow, and guess who is coming along!?! At the moment we are between cycles, so the IVF thing can be ignored. But, since my SIL has just had ANOTHER child (2 grandchildren close to MIL's house, vs. me and my husband with one who is getting older AND living 800 miles away) I kinda wonder how supportive she is going to be.

I think your husband should talk to his doesn't sound like you necessarily need (or want) her support, but why have to be inconvenienced because she is visiting? It is what it is, and you should be proud you are doing it. :-)

Sarah said...

mothers in law really have a way of shooting you down sometimes, don't they? what business of hers is it to tell you you don't need anymore kids? what does that mean anyway? people don't have kids because they NEED them (well not usually). the point is you want one. and only you will know when/if your desire to have another child is weaker than your willingness to keep going through the damn TTC rollercoaster. and no one has any right to judge you, however you feel about that.