Wednesday, December 12, 2007
There is really no other way to say it. I know that I am one of the lucky ones getting pregnant after our second IVF not counting all the ones before that got canceled. But somehow even though I put on a happy face to everyone IRL I still keep waiting for the bad news. Every doctor appointment I expect him to tell me there is no heartbeat, At the amnio I am sure we will find out the baby has some horrible problem. I just am finding it hard to believe we are going to have a real live take home baby come May. Tony says I am worse this time than I ever was with Terrell, I thought I was hiding it well from him to but I guess I am not the master of disguise I thought I was. With Terrell when I hit 12 weeks I went right out and bought something for him This time I just can not seem to do it. 2 separate people have given me things for this baby and the sit in my minivan, I am scared if I bring them in the house I will jinx us. Irrational I know but still they sit in the van. Maybe once I start feeling the baby move it will be easier for me to believe that all is ok but right now I go in about 2 week cycles. Everything is ok and then my mind starts up again I am thinking the worst. How do I get past these feelings? Will I ever get past them? Please tell me I am not the only one who feels this way. Maybe we can start a support group or something. It is really hard for my friends and family to understand as they have never had a problem getting pregnant. For them a positive HPT means a baby, for me I am not so sure anymore.