Missing something

I feel like I am missing something in my life. I am missing a Mom. My mom left when I was little, just walked out one day and left me and my sister with a sitter. Now that I am a mom I cannot understand how she could just walk away. Didn't she love me? Didn't she care about me? Now that I am older I wonder if she ever thinks about me. Does she feel something is missing like I do? My sister has helped me heal a lot but unfortunately she can't be a mom to me. I just really wish I had the mother daughter bond and it hurts to know that I will never feel a mother's love for me. I don't even know if she is still alive or not and I am not really sure if I care. It does however make me hug and kiss on T a lot more than he likes. I just always want him to know how much I love him.