Getting Out

Tony and I talked a bit yesterday about how I really need to get out of the house. I NEED a few hours away from my lovely children. I love them but for the love of god they can be trying at times. I talked to Susan this morning and told her we need to go out soon. As in very soon, sometime this week if possible. Even Tony said we will find the money and worry about other stuff later. I am glad he sees that I need to get away. I have spent everyday for the last month with the boys and I need to get away and rediscover Valerie. I am hopeful we will get out this week.

I feel like I need to write but I have nothing to write about. Well that isn't true I have stuff but it is all jumbled in my mind. You know what that means right? Bullets!

• Jayden slept for 5 hours last night then for 3 more
• I feel like I got a good nights sleep. WHOOHOOOO
• Terrell has been extra mouthy lately
• Told me he hated me yesterday
• Tony has been awesome helping me with the kids
• Brakes on Tony's car went yesterday
• I am trapped at home with no car
• Susan will be taking T to school for me today
• Not sure how he is getting there tomorrow
• A very sweet friend has offered to do professional pictures of the family
• We are having them done on Saturday June 28
• She is not charging us for the photos only for what we want to buy
• I am so happy about this, the last family portrait we have is when Terrell was 3 months old.
• I am feeling a bit better the last few days.

Sinking

I have the blues, the just had a baby blues. I am on Zoloft and have been since his birth but I can tell they are starting to hit. Of course the not sleeping enough, having a needy 5 year old and a husband who works at 4am isn't helping. I kinda feel like I am slowly drowning. I am treading hard to keep my head above water. I think I need to up my dose of medication. I feel like I am being pulled in so many directions at once. Terrell needs me to do stuff with him, and I want to but every freaking time you put Jayden down he cries. I know it is ok for him to cry a little but he is only 3 weeks old and I feel like I need to not let him cry much. Tony is trying to help but he works all day, more than 40 hours a week and he needs down time too. Tell me again this will get better.