Bad Mom

Terrell got a spanking tonight, actually it was one swat but he was being bad. He actually pushed me kinda like grabbed me and growled as he pushed. He was mad and you could tell. Here is the problem, I lost control only for a split second but it happened. I wacked him just at the butt except his diaper was saggy and I hit skin. He had a welt on his lower back and I feel like a shit. He is fine, mommy made sure. He is now sleeping but I am sitting here racked by guilt. I am actually crying, it is happening I am turning into the mother I was afraid I would be. OMG I do not want my child afraid of me. WTF was I thinking? I can't believe I did that, how do you tell a 2 year old you didn't mean to hurt him like that?